The Ex-Factor

A smooth-sailing relationship can suddenly be disturbed by the Ex-Factor as in ex-husband, ex-wife, ex-boyfriend, or ex-girlfriend. The effect of these people on a person and his/her current partner can still be quite considerable as to create doubts, suspicions, and anxiety. The familiarity resulting from long-term relationships can be very difficult to top by a relationship still on its own process of discovery.

Ex-partners have that uncanny ability to make current partners of their common person of interest very insecure. Whether done on purpose or not, the fact that the ex knows the spouse much better presents an incredible challenge of restraint to the current partner specifically if it is deliberately being emphasized by the ex. The current partner needs assurance that the ex's veiled efforts to put him/her down will not succeed.

A person who secretly, willingly, and frequently communicates with an ex is putting his/her present relationship at risk. The mere fact that it is done without the knowledge of the current partner smacks of betrayal and cheating even in the absence of sexual relations. Secrecy connotes guilt and promotes unfaithfulness.

Communicating with an ex when required need not be hidden. There may be relevant matters that would require joint decisions like the welfare of the children which should not be denied by current partners. There are responsibilities that remain even when couples go their separate ways.

A current partner will always be somewhat threatened by the history of intimacy of an ex with the spouse. This is why it is important that the appropriate physical and emotional distance is maintained between ex-couples. This is to allow the new relationship to come out of the shadow of the previous relationship.