Friday, November 25, 2011

The Gray Zone in Marriage



Most couples would want to have a perfect marriage. Perfection denotes adherence to specific standards and qualifications. Those who are already married would know that perfection is only an illusion when it comes to a relationship. There is no such thing as pure black and white or right or wrong if one is to successfully survive marriage. Sometimes, a middle ground or gray zone has to be entered into.

Entering the gray zone may mean accepting our spouses for who they are, flaws and all but does this include acceptance of infidelity in marriage? If a spouse's personal weakness is the inability to remain faithful to the marriage vows of fidelity, is the partner obliged to accept the pain as part of the marriage package? Not necessarily so, but exerting efforts to overcome the challenge constitute fulfilling the responsibility of fighting for the marriage. No one however, can and should be forced to live under unacceptable emotional circumstances as a result of infidelity.

Leaving a marriage is easier said than done especially where there are children to consider. Usually, a spouse who finds spousal cheating personally unacceptable will make adjustments and sacrifice himself/herself for "the greater good" of the family. This is where the "don't ask, don't tell" policy typically comes into play. Couples in this situation make it part of their coping mechanism to NOT acknowledge the marital problem in the belief and hope that it will go away or deny its existence. It really is wishful thinking when a couple hopes for some magical intervention to take place.

Many marriages live through the complication of knowing that there is infidelity without directly acknowledging it. Whether or not the sacrifice is worth it can only be answered by the concerned people themselves. Acknowledged or not one thing is clear though, there will be effects to be felt and they will not be good ones. Face-off is inevitable when someone is forced into particular unpleasant circumstances.






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