"Nothing Happened!"

When a man or woman reads emails or hears conversations of his/her spouse confiding the intimate details of their marriage to another man or woman, he/she would probably feel betrayed. This is quite understandable since no one really wants his/her life's private concerns announced in public. It is no less insulting or damaging when divulging of such private information is done only to one person because it suggests a certain level of intimacy bordering in emotional infidelity to infidelity itself.

We do not discuss private matters with anyone and when we choose to do so, it means that we have reached that level in the relationship where we believe we can trust that person. Confiding in friends of the same sex is common. In fact, the emotional support readily provided by women friends to their beleaguered "compatriot" is quite known and common. Male friends also provide support but manifest them in different ways.

Confiding personal matters adopts a different meaning when it is done with a member of the opposite sex. Not only does it represent an affront to the faithful spouse who has the primary right to know if there is anything to be concerned about the marriage, it may also serve as a way of developing alliances that could eventually lead to an affair. Confiding is usually received with sympathy, empathy, concern, and other human feelings that are not at all romantic. However, the romantic twist tends to enter the picture as familiarity sets in and unexpected feelings complicate the situation.

Married people who are into special relationships with a member of the opposite sex are said to be guilty of emotional infidelity. They are quick to defend themselves that they are not cheating on their spouses, having no physical sexual relationships with another. This issue is a subject of numerous debates as to when an act is considered cheating or infidelity. Technically, it assumes a form of cheating since emotional infidelity violates the same trust extended by the faithful spouse even if the spouse in question claims that "nothing happened".

Problems in marriage, sex life or spousal communication are best discussed with the person concerned, which is the spouse. Discussing the problem with the spouse shows a genuine effort to find a solution as opposed to confessing the problem to another man or woman who can further complicate the problem by being a possible third party. People who are already problematic with their spouses should not tempt fate by entering into other intimate relationships that can be avoided, whether physical or emotional.

More Than Friends

When we talk about infidelity statistics, we tend to include only the sexual relationships outside marriage or any established relationship. We forget that spouse betrayal can happen emotionally. Emotional involvement with another is considered cheating when it is enough to threaten the stability of a person's commitment to an existing relationship. Emotional affairs usually serve as precursor to a sexual relationship waiting to happen.

Many cases of infidelity were not deliberately sought out. In fact, a considerable number started out as harmless friendship or work relationship. Attraction to another is unavoidable but the manner by which a person acts on such attraction is what separates the cheater from the faithful. You are putting yourself up to trouble when you cross the line and choose to participate in a different level of intimacy even in the absence of any sexual aspect.

Emotional infidelity starts when the level of intimacy is such that it affects the over-all balance of an existing relationship. Confiding in another person more than your spouse, investing considerable time in being or talking with that person specifically in secrecy; or confiding your marital problems to that other person - these are examples of crossing the appropriate boundaries that define friendship and other relationships outside marriage.

If you are able to act no differently with that person in front of your spouse, then you are probably involved in a genuine friendship with no strings attached. Be careful however not to fool yourself by acting as if there is nothing going on when you know for a fact that there is. When we choose to share too much of ourselves with another, we cannot help but destroy an existing relationship as we build on another.