Revenge of the Cheated Spouse

Discovering spousal infidelity may result to varying reactions from cheated spouses. While there are two main ways of reacting namely to stay or leave, the level of pain felt by the spouse cheated on can possibly produce sub-reactions in between the process of forgiving or leaving. One potentially deadly reaction is to take revenge on a cheating spouse.

Revenge is about getting even, particularly in the same manner that a prior perceived injustice has been committed. Short of the extreme form usually referred to as crimes of passion, the vengeful spouse will zero in on the pain that has been created and retaliate by committing infidelity as well. A person in deep emotional pain may seek appeasement and satisfaction in having the cheating spouse get a dose of his/her own medicine.

The trouble with revenge is that it tends to skew a person's sense of right and wrong. As the cheated spouse aims to inflict the maximum emotional pain on the cheating spouse, he/she will find it very difficult not to be destroyed in the process. Cheated spouses should also stop and consider that their cheating partners possibly couldn't care less what they do thus the probability of going through the whole process and then ending up just hurting themselves even more.

Being cheated on has a way of revealing a certain aspect of an individual's personality never before known. While others cry, despair or leave, some choose to exact vengeance on the cheater. This move can backfire when the original cheating spouse ends up looking like an honorable spouse and the previously faithful spouse looks like a cheap cheat. There are other ways of punishing a cheater without muddling one's self.

How Honest Should a Confession Be?

Not everybody is in agreement on how much detail an infidelity confession should contain. There is no question that truth should be the basis of any confession but it is possible that too much of it can destroy more rather than rebuild relationships. We are referring to details of the sexual acts committed or answering questions of whether the cheating spouse enjoyed doing it with another or not.


Cheated spouses already have a mental picture of what could have happened in their spouses' illicit relationships. Is it really necessary to put them through the horrors of an account of the sordid details of the affair? Such details may repeatedly block all efforts to save a relationship, coming to mind even where there is no intention to.


Without resorting to any more lies, the cheating spouse should answer the who, what, where, when, why, and how questions of the cheating. Answers to these questions cannot be evaded because several issues have to be settled first before any reconciliation is possible. A couple who is serious about making a go of their relationship after infidelity has been found out can be helped by these answers to prevent similar cheating episodes in the future.


Cheating spouses should resist the temptation to go into details that will only serve to add insult to injury. After the confession, they should concentrate more on making good on their promise not to do it again. Being sorry is a given but it needs to be said and shown by the cheating spouse. This should be the one best heard and stand out in the mind and heart of the cheated spouse.